our pregnant mommy

it maybe us.

and it maybe other girl who is ready.

its like having a ball which contain a meat.

its heavy.

and it kick!

be ready.

they will cry so loud.

and they will give us the heart.

our baby.

its you i see

NO! its not him.

its a figure of jealousy that u have see.

YES! i do.

i love you like its never end soon.

and bare that until it stick with you.

stay that way.

hold your feelings.

i know its not me you see now.

but i know it will.

my man.

tears

life was so complicated when we think that its easy to be understand. it is harsh, it is tough, it is full with emotion.you can choose your way, and plan so perfectly. but the thing is, you wont get anything that you deserve without a big try.

i cry when he leave. i cry when my dad shout hard to me. i cry when i see my mom cry. i cry when i heard my  sister tell me that they miss me. i cry when there are lots of problem in my mind. 

its a replacement of the bitterness. satisfaction for myself.

i just want my men back.

mentally riddle.

loosing one hand.

breathing with only one side of my lungs.

using 50% of my brain to think straight.

i'm hopeless.

cruel to say that i'm making myself a perfect toy.

cant blame the fast track time i'm walking on.

should run and find the things i aim for.

and bare the small things i wish to had.

live a life.

black rose

climb high towards the mountain.
just want to run away from the sickness. the worst sickness u cant imagine.
i'm tired for being a freak. .a toy. . human trash. .
i don't want to have a heart.
just take it away from me.
i don't want to be that good girl. pleasuring everybody.
i want you. you don't want me. so i don't want anybody.
sex bind you tight. and now i face the rash.

YOU

kiss ur eyes twice. my heart shake hard. i miss you.
staring at your finger. im bargain for help. coz i want to see your face.
miss your smell. miss your smile. miss that eyes.
hold my hair, and its like holding yours. im freakin mad. coz i thought its true.
im screaming for help when you are not around.
slapping my face with my own hand when im dreaming of u too much.
i cant think right when i see you smile.
i love you baby.

hug n kisses,

255am 20th of march 2011
im crazy. and it turn to be worst. stand by me. i miss you

i dont understand

confront a deff customer. asking for several movies playing by moving her hand up and down. pointing at the poster on my back and asking what the time[ yup, several sign that she show me r easy to guest ]. yes i am, using the same stupid sign which i create to tell them the time, which movies, asking wether its ok or not, without opening my mouth. superb. . saving 2% of my voice. .silly. .
my mood are swing like hell today. i hate every face that comes infront of me and asking and questioning me the same things every 5minutes. .shit. .felt like to scream and punch them on their face. . !! grrr~

then i saw a baby, which i wave my hand to her and move my finger like 'bubbye hye' sign. then she raise her hand and do the same. .super cute. . :)

i text him today and he didnt reply. then i call, and heard his unhappy voice like he dont want to receive any calls or text from me. i dont know why he hate me so much. i dont understand. he talk to me like he usually do, but i know he just want to say bye and hung up on me. i'm just missing you love. so much. i really care what are happening surround you. i want to know everythg.
i know you are happy having friends, girlfriends, bestfriends. .i dont want to swing your mood. .i dont want you to be sad. . . only god knows. .
if only i can frame ur pic in my room which i can see it everyday, im going too blind later on. .crying all day long,everyday. .again, i miss you love. .
im sorry guys coz writing so much about my feelings here today in this post. .im just so broken hearted. .
i really2 lost my heart. i dont knw where it go. .maybe after 1 or 2 years, i will find it back. .

[to the peeps who in a relationship]; work hard to hold it strong.
[in relationship --> single]              ; stay strong. think of yourself. be indipendent hearted person. you'll survive.

hug n kisses!

13th feb 2011, 5am
i'll be here if u need me. .